Luuurve and Sand

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So I just posted about how I was like all, I just need to decide to talk about something. Well, I just had an experience!

Anyways.

Remember my post from when I fell in a pond? Yeah, it was literally MONTHS ago. It happened in the beginning of august.

Well today, I went to put my shoes on to go outside and start the truck. It’s now December. Which means temperatures are far below zero. And there’s snow. And cars are really cold when you first get into the damn things, so you start em 15 minutes ahead of time so they can defrost and yada yada yada. <–that bit was for you punks who live in areas that are always warm and cozy. Pshhhh!

ANYWAYS. I went to put my shoes on, and I was like. Whoa snap. What the..inthe hell…is IN MY SHOE?! I honestly thought it was like a dead and decomposed rat or something, because I haven’t worn that particular pair of shoes in forever. Since I fell in a pond to be exact.

So there I am, my foot stuck in my shoe, with some awkward substance all over in it. I was afraid to take my foot out. Afraid to see what would be all over my poor little sock.

And then I put on my big girl pants and took out my foot. Which was when I was like, the fuck?!

There’s like 4 feet of sand in my shoes. (Try and figure out how 4 feet of sand can fit in a shoe, it was intense).

Don’t ask why I wanted to post about that. It was ridiculously retarded. And don’t ask why the title has Lurve in it. Maybe because I LURVE YOU ALL. You being the non-existent people who read this. Yay!

Holy Tamoley!

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2uD0tCkVAo

This is my pathetic apology for disappearing for so long. Watch that video and then maybe you won’t hate me for abandoning this lovely, basically non-existent extremely unpopular blog. :)

P.s. Yes, this is the end of this post. Why? because I’m that lame. And lazy. But I’ll try and post something of total epic awesomeness soon! I just have to decide which horrendous life experience of mine to share with you.

So cute I could puke.

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I apologize greatly for my last post.

I was losing my mind. But in the good news…I aced my test! Ooorah. I’m one of those people who thank the lord hallelujah remembers things pretty good. I literally don’t think I’ve ever studied more than an hour for any exam. Now watch, I Just jinxed the hell out of myself didn’t I?

ANYWAYS.

This is my celebration post. It’s going to be so cute you’re going to puke rainbows, cry sprinkles and pee glitter. That’s how cute this is going to be, and how happy it’s going to make you.

And if you don’t think it’s cute, you need to jump into a big pit of fire. (Not literally though, that wouldn’t be cool).

 

Awwwwwwwwww!

^ SEVERE WANT. I want it. I want it so bad I would sell my brother for it.


^ Haha. Smoosh-faced droopy eyed kitty.


^ So god damn cute. I had a pet rat once. Best pet I’ve ever had. She used to sleep on my chest :) and lick my cheek. AWWWW.

 

 

 


^Hedgehog! I would also sell my brother for a pet hedgehog. You can buy them for $250 where I live. I’m thinking yes.

 

 

 

 

 

Now that you have been thoroughly harassed by the incredible, sickening, devastatingly, disgusting cuteness of these animals, you can embrace the warm fuzzy feeling in your heart that will remain there for a mere 30 seconds, embrace it and feel as if though you can conquer the world! I dare you to try. I DARE you.

Maybe you can fly now!

…Though probably not.

Or maybe you can just sit and continue to stare at your computer in awe, and look at the cuteness once more, before you read the rest of my blogs if you have not done so. :)

^ Yeeeahhhhhhh!

I have a beef.

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I think I’m losing my mind.

I HATE the English language. And reading. And like, written language in general.

Why can’t we all just speak without needing to EVER READ OR WRITE.

If we couldn’t read or write, we wouldn’t need to take exams or study. I am very obviously living in the wrong century. I think I am on the inside meant to be a cave woman. A woman ¬†who just grunts, has sexy time with the caveman, has little cavemen children, and eats.

The only smarts I would need is how to make a fire and cook food.

But no, I have to get a college degree. WTF is that?

I have two exams tomorrow. 300 or so pages to read. Many things to memorize. My brain capacity is filled. I can’t do it. I’m going to have a mental breakdown.

So instead of studying like I should be….HERE I ARE!
Wasting time, because I am the best procrastinator I know.

This is probably the most boring post ever…but you know what? Fuck em! My level of caring about anything is even less than usual. Know why?

I’m tired. So tired. I didn’t go to sleep until 9 this morning. Cuz I had a cuh-razy weekend, spent it with my boyfriend and the crew…because I’m a responsible 19 year old who goes out all weekend and doesn’t study, so then when Sunday comes she gives herself a stress-induced heart attack. =D

No biggie though. I’ll just fail. And work at a McDonald’s for the rest of my life.

Except I don’t really think failing one exam will make me fail the class…but I’M BEING DRAMATIC.

Seriously though. Isn’t English language retarded?

Examples:

Knight. Who in the hell decided it would be pronounced like nite? If you ask me, it should be pronounced knighit. Yeah. Like..knig..hit..knighit. That’s how I’m going to say it.

And knife. And knee. To hell with the silent K. I’m going to start saying that shit.

And dough. Why does gh make a w sound?

And FUCK MY LIFE I’M GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANOTHER TEXT BOOK SO HELP ME GOD.

Peace, brothas. Now that my rant is over, and I can hardly keep my eyes open, I’m going to go stare at my textbook that has a bunch of words spelled way differently than it sounds…and I’m going to retain absolutely nothing. :-D

Settling In

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Hey people! For those very few of you who actually follow my blog, I’m so sorry I haven’t updated in like, a bagillion years

I was super busy getting moved into my dorm and getting settled in. Now that I’m all settled in, it’s wondrous! (As wondrous as school can get. Pew).

So what’s new with me? Hmmm…

List of totally awesome epic things that’s new:
1. I am SO not prepared for homework. (Guess that’s not really new…)
2. I bought a Hamilton Beach blender, it’s my new love. Smoothies for breakfast! MMmm!!
3. I’ve got one and a half weeks without eating meat! Which is awesome, because I started weaning myself off of it and eating it like every other day or something like that. I’m proud of myself!
4. I have a love interest. Eep. My belly gets the butterflies! <3
5. I recently started watching the show Awkward on MTV….it’s SO hilarious. I absolutely love it. It’s genius!
6. I have an exam already in a week and a half. WHO DOES THAT?!
7. My fingernails are painted pretty sky blue right now.
8. My stomach has the rumblies……..that only hands can satisfy. HAHA. Anybody else watch the Llamas with Hats videos on Youtube? I effing love them.
9. My story on Wattpad is doing very well! I finished The Rivalry, and am now posting a new one. WEEEEEEE.
10. I’m getting my first tattoo within the next couple weeks hopefully! I’m so SO pumped. It’s going to say: Alis Volat Propriis. It means “She flies with her own wings.” and I’m getting wings on the side as a memorial for a lost loved one.
11. This is THEE worst most boring post EVAR. I apologize.

But I still lurve the fuck out of you ALL! =D

Packin’

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Oh my much. I’ve lost my muchness.

I’ve started packing for college. D’OH.

I’m living in the dorms at the university I go to, and oh my craplanta. I absolutely HATE packing. And what have I been doing for the passed many many many hours? Packing. Packing. and Packing.

I wouldn’t hate packing if it was something better. Like, You know..Packin’ heat. BOOM BOOM.

Or like..hey..”He’s packin’.” I like that kind of packin’ if you know what I mean. *wiggles eyebrows suggestively.*

No but seriously! This has been the worst packing experience EVER.

I gave myself a cardboard cut. Yes, imagine that. Like a paper cut on fucking steroids. IT WAS INTENSE.

And then, I went to take my Wii down from the TV stand and it FELL. I thought it broke. But it didn’t. Still works like a charm. But I was so nervous I could have peed.

And then, I was taking a full-neatly-perfectly-packed box to the living room and I stubbed my toe on a goddamned wagon. WHO THE FUCK puts a wagon in a hallway? A 3 year old. That’s who. (Haha..wagon in a hallway…reminds me of the expression “It was so loose it was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.”) <—Sorry for those innocent minds who don’t understand that.

After stepping on the damned wagon, my neatly packed box barfed all over the floor! And then it was just a mess!

Plus, one of my books I ordered at Amazon is out of stock and won’t get to me for like, EVER.

AND NOW. I just tried to put in a reservation for a bed loft but I can’t and I’m about to explode and I wanna punch a kitten to take out my anger! ROOOAAARRR. Just kidding. I’d probably cry if I saw a kitten right now, in all it’s innocent cute glory. Unless it hooked me in the eye, then I’d punch it.

So basically. Me = way fucking stressed.
I need a cookie.

Naps…

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I’m pretty sure that earlier in a post I mentioned that naps fuck my shit up. And they do!

I played in a softball tournament the last two days. We got second place. I didn’t even care. I’m a super competitive person, but it was miserably muggy outside and I just wanted to be done. Plus, I just wanted to be done either way so I could go to Subway. Like, you don’t even understand how bad I wanted subway.

I was like a raging beast. Like a cougar who had been up in the mountains in the dead of winter for the last 3 months and all the animals I had eaten were frozen and nasty as fuck, and then all of a sudden, there’s a nice, shiny, looking antelope or whatever the hell cougars like to eat. My eyes were the size of saucers, sticking out of my head, I was drooling, and I was walking around like some sort of zombified fool.

Pretty much, I saw a girl on my team eating a sub between our games and I about cleated her face, grabbed the sub and made a run for it. And then I realized it had tomatoes on it. Never would have been worth it. But almost.

Anyways, there I go, getting all sidetracked again.

Naps. That’s my topic. Naps. Fucking naps. They screw with me so bad! So I got home from the tournament, ate my sub like a champ, and then I laid down on my bed, completely wiped out. I wasn’t expecting to actually fall asleep, maybe just lay there all zoned out for a while. But, I fell asleep. Next thing I know, I’m waking up, looking at my phone, seeing 6:53 and being like….FUCK SHIT. I have to get up in an hour! I have to go play softball this morning!

And then I hopped up, and was like, Na na naa naa, Na na naa naaa, Heyyy heyyy heyyy, goood bye. No lie. I sang it like there was no tomorrow. And then I ate some cereal. And drank some water. And brushed my teeth. And peed. Because I always have to pee in the morning.

Then I went to find my softball shirt, and I was like. WTF SON. Where is it!? Where oh where could my beautiful blue softball shirt be? I cannot find it! Please come to thee! Omg. That’s the cheesiest thing I’ve ever, ever, EVER written. Hahaaaaaaaaaaaa!

But yeah. I was trying to find this goddamn shirt. I literally tore through all my dirty clothes, all my clean clothes, looked EVERYWHERE. And then I happened to walk by my floor length mirror. And it was like…hold up.

I already had my shirt on. And my softball shorts. And I looked like hell. And then I remembered. Oh yeah. We already played. And got second. Fuck. But then I remembered I still had half a sub, so all was well in the world again. I felt like I’d just found a million bucks. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sub.